Matthew 17:20 20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Going through years of school, it’s not unusual to have teachers whom you don’t learn from. Maybe it’s because of their teaching style or a clash of personalities, but in most cases, when one student isn’t learning, the whole class isn’t. From my experience, it’s because sometimes putting a lesson into words is difficult or the teacher isn’t invested in what they’re doing. In other cases, teachers can spark a love of learning into some kids and many of us can think of one teacher that truly made an impact in our lives. These types of teachers want to teach. They’re invested and thrive in their occupations. For me, this is how I look at fear. Makes perfect sense, right? No. At least not yet and maybe it won’t to some of you and that’s okay. Jesus likes to give me strange metaphors to understand his word sometimes.
Fear sucks. It takes the life out of us, puts us on edge and makes it difficult to live a normal life. I’m a very fearful and anxious person. I overthink situations and make them so much bigger than they are. Sound familiar? I go through life afraid. Afraid of what? I’m not sure. I just walk fearfully. It makes it difficult to have fun and allow God to lead me where I’m called. I can see situations play out in my mind where I’m scarred for what could happen if I do something as simple as go to target. Looking back at overthinking in those moments makes me feel like I’m watching a horror movie. Those scenes where you know they shouldn’t go in the closet but they always do. I know I shouldn’t fear, but I do. Now some of you may be asking where my faith is and for me that’s a difficult question to answer. We oftentimes think of faith as being the opposite of fear and that’s true, but I think there’s a lot more to it. We can say we have this great faith in the lord and still have fear in our hearts. We can be the teachers we never really learned from. Having the title of teacher but not truly teaching. Only we have the title of Christians without truly obtaining faith. Having great faith also takes courage, strength, and obedience. We can’t simply think we trust in the lord and then not listen to where he leads us or grow weary because we don’t see results. Faith takes energy and time, it’s a commitment and a way of life. Just as teachers take a great deal of time planning and teaching, we should take an abundant amount of time to work and practice our faith in the lord. Without having the teachers that made us question their motives, we wouldn’t have learned to work harder and study more to obtain a better grade. Without having situations that put our faith to the test, we wouldn’t be able to grow and strengthen our trust in the Lord. The big thing for me is that I see faith as sometimes being situational. Somethings are a lot scarier than others. Being afraid of getting in a car accident is worse than the fear of having a cold. Even though our situations change, our God doesn’t, and sometimes I forget that. Because with the teachers that maybe didn’t teach us as well, we had to trust a whole lot that somehow maybe they would teach us something and we’d pass the class. Even still with the best of teachers that were awesome and pushed us to be the best, there was still a level of trust that they would help us through. In situations small and big, we trust. It’s much easier to type it than it is to live it, but I am living it. I was terrified to come back to school for my second year. My friends and support base at home are incredible and I was constantly getting poured into and lifted up and I was fearful that would change when I came back . Ever since last semester, I saw this place as one of sadness and anger and hurt and I was ready to give up what was comfortable. I love my home and I’m so thankful for that. My fear of coming back quickly became a reality as I moved into my dorm on Saturday. I have never sat in a room at the end of the day and felt so much peace. All my fears and worries disappeared as soon as I got settled into this place y’all. God is good and he makes all things good. We just need faith, even as tiny as a mustard seed. He sees you. He sees your struggle and he’s got you in his hand. Stay faithful, be obedient, and watch all the incredible things God will do for you. Today was my first day of classes, and at the end of this long day, I needed to write. This blog post is really something I really needed to hear myself. I hope you enjoy! God bless, Sydney
3 Comments
2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. It’s been a hard adjustment coming back into America. Talking to my roommates about dorm decor and spending money on meaningless decorations. Buying leggings I don’t need but think are cute, and not thinking twice about purchasing a pack of gum or pair of jeans. Even just 10 days in Belize changes everything. Coming back to a place where I am so fortunate to buy the things I need and even the things I want. I’m blessed. I’m blessed to know and to have loved on those people and blessed to come back to a home of love and support. I’ve been cranky and mean and life has been tough since being back. Acclimating isn’t easy. Being surrounded by Christians who encourage me and lift me up for 10 days and having them upon returning home has been the biggest gift. Friendships can make or break you and they have certainly have made me this summer. I’ve been encouraged constantly and pushed in my faith more in the past 3 months than I have in years. My friends and family and incredible people of great faith and I’m honored to be in their company. I’ve become accustom to my people. To walking across the street to see my best friends and cousins all in one and to grab ice cream with a dear friend who spent her whole summer serving. I’ve been able to have the deepest conversations in 10 minutes with the right people and God has shown his love for me through them. Belize offers a love like none I’ve never felt. They love blindly. As in, not seeing us by what we wear, how we speak, what we post, or what we look like. They love us because we love them and because our God loves them. There is no comparison, no hate, or judgement, only pure love that softens the heart more than I can place into words. I got to experience life with these people and for the first time it felt like I had to leave one family to come home to another. They changed my heart for the Lord and for the world. God and I were on a rocky road heading into Belize. My heart was burdened after a very tuff and exhausting first year of college. I hardly recognized myself or him so I pushed him to the side but still convinced myself that he was first in my life. I could convince anyone of that except for him. He knows my heart and I wans't fouling Jesus, only myself. I wasn’t sure if I should go to this place and serve knowing that my heart and mind weren’t in the best of places, but by the grace of God, the funds were there and so I went. I went hoping that he would reshape my broken pieces and make them beautiful again. That he would use me in a way that the kids and my team needed. I went hoping he would work on me but I wasn’t sure how or when. Belize was an incredible experience that I could go on about forever. Long story short, he softened my heart through those families and kids and gave me a passion for them like I’ve never felt. I got re-baptized in the Caribbean ocean in the clearest water you’ve ever seen and with the strongest presence of the lord. Belize has become home. It has become even more special than I could have imagined. I got through that trip because God has given me enough. Enough strength, enough courage, enough wisdom. I’ve seen with my eyes that having enough doesn’t mean money. If I could love on people half as well as those kids do without any money than I’d consider myself rich. They are a true testament of that. And God is teaching me that he has always given me enough. He gave me enough strength to get through my first year of college. He gave me enough strength to leave some friends behind who weren’t pouring into me and who were sucking everything out. He gives me strength everyday to get up looking at the world with all our self-made faults knowing good and well there are people out their in a world where there is no room for improvement. He has given me the strength to get through the tough times. He gave me enough strength to pour into girls and kids in Belize. I think for many of us its sometimes easy to see and comprehend that God is constantly and constantly giving us what we need and the right amount of it. For me the hard part is understanding how much is enough. I know that he gives me enough spiritually and mentally, but when is enough too much in terms of my spending. We live in a culture where buying things is almost an addiction and its true for me too. The amount of things I’ve purchased for my dorm room is crazy and society would tell me its not enough. So what is enough? Is it enough to have the newest iPhone or the nicest home? Is it enough to have a ’04 car or a book bag you’ve had or 6 years? What standard is our world holding us to? I can tell you its not the Lords. I am guilty of making purchases for things I have no purpose for, I just buy them solely because I want it. I sit here thinking about all the things I buy and if I didn’t buy it how much money I would have to fly and see my second family in Belize more than once a year. Its hard to comprehend just how much is enough is a world that is constantly asking for more. I’m learning to pray over purchases, not to impulse buy and not to buy things just because I think they’re cool. God does provide for us but maybe in a way we haven’t discovered yet. I encourage you to pray over what God has given you, how your using it, and how you could use. It could truly change the way you look at life. It's been a while since I lasted wrote, but I needed some time to get back in sync with Jesus. I felt so convicted when God laid this subject on my heart that i wanted to share with you all. Hope you enjoy!
God bless, Sydney |
Hi, I'm Sydney!Welcome I'm glad you're here! Categories
All
Archives
October 2021
|